Right Mothering

With Christmas approaching, my daughter and I frequently discuss Santa.  I feel uncomfortable cultivating too deep a belief in his existence, because I feel she is too smart to be fooled so completely and because I don’t want her to realize in one brief moment that Santa doesn’t actually exist.  So, I follow a multi-pronged strategy.

First, although I am agnostic (with tremendous respect for Christianity, especially the Roman Catholic tradition) and although my husband is of another monotheistic religion, I make certain that my daughter understands, first and foremost, that Christmas day is the birthday of Jesus (not necessarily Christ).  She knows that Mary and Joseph were his parents, that he was born in Bethlehem, and that he was crucified in Jerusalem.  She also knows that he was a great teacher and leader.  Actually, we discuss the story of Jesus all year long, because she is fascinated by these basic facts.

Second, my daughter knows that Santa Claus was actually a religious leader by the name of Nicholas who lived more than 1600 years ago in what is now Turkey.  She knows that he was a good man, which is why he is called Saint Nicholas.

Third, she knows that he was greatly missed after his death.  Also, because he lived at a time before cameras and because we have neither descriptions of his appearance nor portraits, we don’t really know what he looked like, and because there were no journalists we do not know much about his life.   All the stories we hear about Santa Claus and all the pictures of him that we see are the product of people’s imaginations, including those about his reindeer.

Fourth, my daughter knows that all the Santas that she sees are not actuallyl Santa, just that they pretend to be Santa.

Finally, regarding all the details – how Santa gets into  people’s homes, how he travels, where he lives – are up to my daughter to imagine for herself.  This means seemingly endless discussions, but I enjoy watching the working of her imagination and her critical thinking skills.  She actually thinks that he is invisible, that he is something like a ghost or spirit, which I rather like and can almost believe in myself.

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