The Utility of Obnoxious Children
On our way from ballet to Costco the other weekend, my daughter fixated on something that happened at her piano graduation recital a couple weeks earlier. One boy in the class, older than the rest, selected as one of his pieces a song from farther along in the book than the class had thus far progressed. My daughter had also actually learned the song, because it is well-known, which most of the songs in the book are not. She knew, however, that it would not have been appropriate to play it at the graduation recital. Why it would not have been appropriate was the topic of conversation in the car that day.
She began by asking why the boy should not have played the song. I explained that although we too had gone ahead in the book to learn the song, playing it for the graduation recital is rude to both the teacher and to fellow students. By playing a song that the class had not yet covered, the boy was saying to the teacher, “I don’t need you to learn this song” and to his fellow students, “I am better than all of you because I alone can play ahead in the book.” Second, by playing that song now, he would have one less song to choose from for the graduation recital that covers that material. Third, he had actually signed up for another piece, from among the songs we had actually learned, which many students had wanted to play, but couldn’t because he had raised his hand most fervently.
My daughter found this explanation fascination, for during this fifteen-minute car ride, she asked me at least three more times the very same question, about why this boy should not have played this piece at the recital. I made my case three times. She understood what I was saying, but the discussion fascinated her (just as do discussions about why soy can be bad for you and why smoking is a weakness in moral character).
I am thrilled that this topic fascinates her. I know she had the right instinct – away from obnoxious behavior – and empathize with her need to understand in concrete terms why humility is important. The bad behavior of others provides teaching moments and also affirmation of her good behavior. Similarly, when a girl took snowballs and threw them onto the front steps of her school, I did not hesitate, within hearing of the girl and her father, to explain how putting snow where someone has once cleared snow is not very thoughtful of that person’s efforts. Although the bad behavior of children and other adults can stress me more than it should, I just remind myself that it offers real-life cautionary tales.
Tags: bad behavior, cautionary tales, humility, obnoxious children, piano recital
