Right Mothering

We live in a metropolitan area populated by a majority of poorly behaving adults, most clearly evidenced by the their offensively inconsiderate driving habits.  I can only assume that they were all once poorly behaving children.  Because I must deal with these poorly raised adults each and every day, I am very sensitive to the sight of poorly behaving children.  So yes, I may not like your children (in response to the recent Motherlode post, “Do Strangers Really Hate My Kids?”)

Based on my own observations, the worse the behavior of the child, the greater the inattention of the parents to that child, at least in public.  Out in the world, my husband and I never take our eyes of our daughter.  We are vigilant, but we adore her, so we cannot not look at her.  In December, we were at a holiday celebration at our Sunday language school.  I was seated at a table, and my husband was chatting with another father.  Our daughter was cavorting with the other children in the middle of the room.  At one point, she walked over to a drum propped on its side and leaning against a chair and tapped it with her foot.  Within seconds, both my husband and I were at her side, each in our own language, asking her what she was doing.  She knew she had done bad and did not like us going on at length about her misdeed.  So we let up and moved on.  But she knows that we are always watching.

When we lived overseas, we lived in a country where parents made a point of ignoring their children on the playground as a statement about how they cultivate the independence of their children (attachment parenting is unknown in this country).  Children could throw sand, wield sticks, and otherwise terrorize other children without any repercussions (unless, of course, I was on the playground).  When we visited a neighboring country, each parent was within two steps of his or her child on the playground, and although the children were pretty wild, I felt so safe with my gentle daughter on this playground, because I knew that I was not responsible for protecting her from the bad behavior of the other children.  Now, is it a coincidence that the citizens of our country of residence are notoriously out only for themselves and those of the country that we visited are known for how deeply they care about others?

So, you see, the bad behavior of children is not charming.  It is the means by which nasty societies perpetuate themselves.