Right Mothering

My daughter is fully trilingual.  I speak English with her, and my husband speaks one of his two mother tongues with her.  Acquisition of the third language began when we were living in Europe and continues here in the States at an immersion program that she has attended since pre-Kindergarten.  Our family language is English, but my husband only uses  his language when he speaks to her, even when out in public.  Some non-native English speaking parents may use English with their children when out in public, for fear of drawing attention to themselves as foreigners or immigrants, but thankfully, not my husband.

I fully support my husband when he speaks to our daughter in his mother tongue, even if that may exclude me from some conversations and even if he risks incurring the judgment of strangers.  First, he has a limited amount of time to spend with our daughter, and we both prioritize our daughter’s acquisition of this language.  He needs every minute.  Furthermore, if he only spoke in his mother tongue at home, he would restrict the contexts in which the language is used, and, in turn, the range of our daughter’s vocabulary.  As an added bonus, because his language is rarely known by non-native speakers, he can correct her behavior discretely and even comment on the bad behavior of adults and other children without them knowing.  Luckily, no one has ever said anything to my husband about not speaking English (which, by the way, is better than most native-speakers).

One question I have is why bilingualism has become a dirty word among conservatives (I listened to Laura Ingraham on the radio this morning on the way to work) and the use of languages other than English on American soil an offense. With all the known intellectual benefits of bilingualism (the kids are smarter), why can’t the Spanish-speaking background of immigrants, legal or not, be cultivated to their advantage?

On a side, but perhaps related, note, a friend of mine recently asked whether by learning three languages, my daughter has had trouble mastering one completely.  NOT AT ALL!!!!  Although it is common wisdom that bilingual children speak later, my daughter spoke early and from a very early age articulated words and expressed herself with the sophistication of child many years older.  Knowing more than one language or speaking a different language at home is not a handicap!

The key, I believe, is authenticity.  Each situation should be authentic.  I do not believe that children of kindergarten-age and younger should learn a language.  Rather, they should find themselves immersed in one or more languages other than their mother tongue.  The first thing a woman or man can do is to fall in love wisely, with a non-native English speaker.  Second, you can live with your family in a country where English is not the dominant language.  I suppose you could hire a nanny who speaks another language (but isn’t that a bit pretentious?).  And immersion schooling is of course an option, and one that we use, but in our case, it is built on the foundation of our early years living in a country where that language is spoken and through extended visits from a grandmother who speaks that language.

Other than that, I would say that you are out of luck.  This is a shame, but I think the struggling about which my friend had heard and asked me about was the result of inauthenticity (perhaps also understood as lacking a compelling reason) in the learning of the second and third languages.